Dominance is the core of BDSM. Bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism are based on the idea of transfer of power, with one partner dominating and the other being submissive. It is important to remember that without SSC principles — Safe, Sane and Consensual and sufficient empathy such experiments cease to be a play and become a crime.
Getting ready
Before starting a career as “top” it is necessary to learn three rules: Safe, Sane and Consensual. It means “Do no harm”, “discuss” and “practice with a cool head”. Even before playing an innocent power play, you have to get consent, you have to go over the taboos, and you have to make sure that everyone is comfortable with all aspects of the play.
3 conditions of a successful session:
- self-confidence
We all harness a lot of energy, strength and power. In BDSM, it is very important not to block it, but to use it for pleasure. Fear, embarrassment, shame or any other manifestation of uncertainty are always noticed by “bottom”. So before a session it is important to fill yourself with a sense of strength, power and self-confidence. Some people find it in the outfit (the stereotypical black leather and latex, seductive lace or corset, a mix of the above, an office suit, cozy home clothing, full nudity — choose the outfit that will give you a feeling of tranquility, comfort and irresistibility).
- feedback
Empathy and communication are necessary for a successful session. Understanding what happens to the feelings and sensations of the other party is important in order not to hurt or traumatize each other. If you lack empathy (and it is useful to develop it for everyday life as well), do not hesitate to ask questions. It’s better to be safe and ask questions than assume something and cause harm. Communication will also develop empathy and help you better understand and interpret the actions of the partner for the future, so share your feelings immediately and ask if everything is okay, if everything is going well and what can be improved.
- pleasure
The purpose of any BDSM interaction is the joy and pleasure of the process and the result. Enjoy it, and remember that everyone’s in it for the joy and pleasure. In power play, pleasure can be difficult to feel, because the tools of dominance — humiliation, submission, pain — are not associated in everyday life with pleasure. But if you have partnered for this, then there are fetishes and needs associated with it. Despite the stereotypes, many people for various reasons find these practices to cause great excitement, passion and pleasure. So not only do you enjoy it, but you give pleasure to someone who really wants it. Keep this in mind to practice dominance with love and commitment.
3 necessary features:
- safe words
Be sure to agree on the safe word and its variations. Usually the following are used: green — yellow — red. Green for “everything goes well, keep going”. Yellow for “something went wrong, let’s make a pause”. Red for “stop everything, end of play”.
- aftercare
We strongly suggest not to skip the aftercare — the process of tender-loving care and attention. These can be BDSM sessions, rough practices or any sexual interaction. It helps to relax, come down from a feel-good chemical rush, return to a comfortable, safe space. There are many ways to provide aftercare, for example by discussing the sexual interaction that just happened, what worked well and what didn’t, to cuddle, bring water, cover with a blanket or a plaid, take a bath, turn on your favorite music or other.
- preliminary agreements
Discuss each other’s wishes and unacceptable things. It is desirable to do so in a calm, relaxed environment and some time before the session (one day, several hours, one week before). Share your experiences, fears, fantasies, ask each other questions and try to remember (or even note down) what you were told. This knowledge will help to feel more confident in the process, to know what is best and what must be avoided and to find compromises and shared concepts in advance and in a safe atmosphere.
3 life-hacks for beginners
Seasoned dominants and experienced dominatrixes can practice this safely and professionally in almost any environment. But it is impossible to come to this level overnight. Beginners often find it difficult to relax, tune in to the right wave-length, to feel confident, to cast aside fear and embarrassment. There are a number of tools that can help, especially in the early stages. We recommend using them to achieve the desired results faster.
- outfit — dress only in what gives you comfort and confidence.
- music, atmosphere — a suitable soundtrack, dimmed or coloured light (red, pink, purple), candles or other atmospheric attributes, a special place (BDSM hotel, BDSM studio) will create and maintain the necessary mood.
- scenario, preparation — improvisation and spontaneity is fine, but for beginners the mere existence of a scenario or plan will sustain a feeling of confidence and help not to be lost and act with competence. It is not necessary to script every step and it is not necessary to follow the prepared scenario. It is much more captivating and pleasant to choose practices and actions spontaneously, but if feel deadlocked or something unexpected happens, the script will help you avoid confusion and continue the practice.
Scenario
About male and female domination.
Traditionally, femdom (female dominance) and maledom (male dominance) differ in role models and practices. A dominatrix is more likely to seduce with her ultra sexy outfit, unattainability, teasing, being moody, commanding. Foot fetish is almost exclusively practiced only in femdom. Trampling and strap-on are popular as well. Also, top women tend to turn to feminization — making a submissive male take on a feminine role. Male doms are more likely to act based on strength, strictness and care. Their sessions involve flogging, shibari and bondage (the art of erotic binding), which by the way requires stamina.
However, there are shibari femdoms, as well as “tops” who like to dress in fetish outfits. Kinks and practices are mixed and unique styles are formed.The BDSM evangelists will tell you about a more emotional style of dominance, involving so-called “brats”, when “bottom” behaves capriciously, defiantly, as if asking for punishment. For example, a caught beast in pet-play or a capricious crown prince. The “top” partner can be angry, sorry, laughing and enjoy taming the unruly one. Below you can find a few examples.
5 scenarios for role play
- Mentor and virgin. If you are overbearing and restrained, lecherous and lustful enough, you have a rich sexual experience, while your partner, on the other hand, is less sophisticated and experienced, then this play is for you. A submissive partner must be gentle and shy.
- Doctor and patient. You are into experiments and intrinsically inquisitive? So the role of the doctor will suit you. Your partner in this case will be a “guinea pig” blushing during the first examination.
- The warden and the prisoner. Your sub is stubborn, strong, sometimes aggressive, and you have to work very hard to control him/her.
- Why interrogate and mentor someone? It’s not appropriate for royalty. You can sit on pillows and give lazy orders to the faithful and diligent page.
- You are a free-loving, wild cat, fearless Amazon, capturing a prisoner. If you have rope, you’ll need it to keep your victim from escaping.
Begin domination with simple practices such as face sitting, getting your feet massaged, getting your hair grabbed during sex. Act softly, but with determination. And remember to discuss what is acceptable and what is not.