BDSM is a psychosexual subculture based on dominance-subordination rules, discipline, practices, and bondage. BDSM is about role-playing and simple practices like spanking or deprivation. You can start by changing the active and passive positions, gradually increasing the play complexity and adding the elements of power. Our guide will help you to immerse yourself in the sexual world of BDSM without being exposed to unnecessary pain and uncoordinated suffering.
Getting ready
Every play has its own rules. Please find below what anyone who wants to experiment with kinkier sex should remember.
- Safe. Avoiding bodily harm is a basic rule, but this is not the only rule in BDSM practice. It is important to be aware of the possibility of affecting someone’s mental health. Even an innocent blindfold can provoke a panic attack if a partner is uncomfortable about losing eye contact. Along with this, a low pain threshold, and increased sensitivity (which is important in the case of whipping/spanking or wax play), there are many individual characteristics that are worth discussing beforehand.
- Sane. This rule ensures that the other two are being implemented. You should take things seriously, thinking about safety, asking your partners about their boundaries, respecting them, and not breaking taboos.
- Consensual. You should get the informed consent of all participants involved in the play. This is mandatory. It may seem boring to talk about all nuances of BDSM play, but asking questions is part of a trusting BDSM relationship and care. Yes, yes, care is not foreign to BDSM, on the contrary. “Are you comfortable now?”, “What if I do this...?”. With informed consent, you will be sure that you will not harm your partner, and the process itself will take place with proper relaxation.
Scenario
BDSM is not necessarily something sophisticated and crude. If you are just fumbling with your desires in this kinky sphere, here are some practices that will work for you:
- Deprivation. A shift in power dynamics is at the core of BDSM. During the role-play one partner voluntarily, in whole or in part, gives up control to the other. Apply a blindfold to your partner and start touching their body unpredictable, caress and chomp. You may deprive your partner not only of the ability to see, but also of hearing, mobility (bondage), speech (using a gag), or all at once — the boundaries are defined only by your desires and agreements. Sensory overload, the unknown, anticipation of pleasure trigger the mechanisms of deprivation.
- Temperature play. The kit for this practice is kept at a bare minimum: a candle and ice cubes. Important: use safe, low-temperature candles of low melting point. Take a minimum height of 30 cm for the first drops of wax and lower the candle if your partner wants to get a warmer sensation. Make sure there are no flammable objects in your environment. Get a piece of ice and use it to touch fresh drops of wax on your body: the contrast in temperature intensifies the sensation.
- Vibrator torture. We are going to say straight away that we are talking about pleasure instead of pain. Tie up your partner with a rope or handcuffs behind their back and start touching their private parts with a toy. By the way, you can now find vibrators for men in sex shops that take physiology into account. Watch your reaction, experiment with vibrator modes, and we think further instructions will not be necessary.
- Tactile play. You can spank a disobedient partner, or try some foot fetish practices — you can experiment with any kind of foot contact. You can lightly squeeze your partner, ask them to massage your feet. Feet are some of the most erogenous parts of the body.
- Pet-play. There are so many animal species that you can imagine yourself or your partner as any animal. A wild horse or a cute cat, or an adorable obedient puppy or a proud stray bird — choose a scenario according to your temperament. The easiest thing you can do is to lie down at your master's feet, take a walk on a leash around the house, or down the street at night.
We recommend trying it carefully, step by step. Obviously, you have to discuss your preferences, boundaries, and taboos. Finish each practice through aftercare, a ritual of withdrawal from a BDSM role-play. Hugging, stroking, talking, i.e. all universal expressions of caring that bring partners back to a comfortable and familiar state.